GIFs* are little moving image clips from TV shows, movies, video games and so on. They’re awesome. Strap on your safety suit and get prepared for the most visual chemotherapy ride I’ve ever taken you on!
*Some of these are just JPEGs. They don’t move. I am sorry. This isn’t Harry Potter.
SO! First I woke up at 7 in the morning to beat the traffic and get to the day hospital on time. I needed blood drawn, I had a clinic with the oncologist and then there’s the whole 7-hour infusion thing, so it was going to be a long day. I was all like:
But then my mom was like, “Hey, do you want some scrambled eggs and a bagel and some fresh fruit?” And I was like:
And then she was like, “We’re gonna be late!” And I was like:
So eventually we get in the car with our coffees, and I get to pick the music, so it was all like:
The valet parking guy was all:
Yes, they valet park your car at the cancer center. It’s like a bald people country club. It’s the little things.
Then it was time to draw blood out of my very sore port for the first time, so my face was like:
But during the actual port access I was more like:
So basically, the same thing. I should be a psychic.
Luckily, once the port is accessed, it stays that way all day, so only one needle stick today! When the nurse told me that, I was all:
We had our meeting with the oncologist. We asked a million stupid questions, and the oncologist couldn’t stop our torrent of bro-science and poorly Googled “facts”, so she was basically like:
She has a lot of patience with us. It’s internet pseudoscience she hates. She was like:
But because our questions are hilarious even when they’re straight up irrational, at the end of it we’re all laughing and she’s like:
And then she’s like, “Seriously, stay off the internet or else.”
Then we got the drugs going, and the drugs were all like:
Luckily, I got my pre-meds, so I was all like:
But then I had to pee, and it was like:
Because clinic and blood draw took a while, we didn’t get to the infusion room in time to order lunch (which they do stupid early, at like 10am), so I was feeling like:
I never did get a meal to eat so I pretty much just did this the whole time:
And then I did this:
I wish. More like this for the ENTIRE TIME:
With a touch of this:
But then way more of this:
And then I got to go home! After being inside hooked up to tubes ALL DAY I felt so FREEEEEE that the car ride was like:
By the way, after today’s relatively pain-free, quicker-than-usual, piece-of-cake infusion, my port and I are all like:
As for the rest of the week, it’s gonna be like:
Just kidding y’all, more like:
But I’m done with three of ’em now, which means I’m halfway there! If you think I didn’t search for a fantastic Bon Jovi “Livin’ on a Prayer” GIF to round this post out, then you severely underestimated me. Alas, I couldn’t find a good one. So you’ll just have to imagine me singing it, which I have done far too many times at far too many karaoke bars after far too many shots served in test tube equipment.