Chemotherapy #3, Brought to You in GIFs

GIFs* are little moving image clips from TV shows, movies, video games and so on. They’re awesome. Strap on your safety suit and get prepared for the most visual chemotherapy ride I’ve ever taken you on!

*Some of these are just JPEGs. They don’t move. I am sorry. This isn’t Harry Potter.

SO! First I woke up at 7 in the morning to beat the traffic and get to the day hospital on time. I needed blood drawn, I had a clinic with the oncologist and then there’s the whole 7-hour infusion thing, so it was going to be a long day. I was all like:

But then my mom was like, “Hey, do you want some scrambled eggs and a bagel and some fresh fruit?” And I was like:

And then she was like, “We’re gonna be late!” And I was like:

So eventually we get in the car with our coffees, and I get to pick the music, so it was all like:

The valet parking guy was all:

Yes, they valet park your car at the cancer center. It’s like a bald people country club. It’s the little things.

Then it was time to draw blood out of my very sore port for the first time, so my face was like:

But during the actual port access I was more like:

So basically, the same thing. I should be a psychic.

Luckily,Β once the port is accessed, it stays that way all day, so only one needle stick today! When the nurse told me that, I was all:

We had our meeting with the oncologist. We asked a million stupid questions, and the oncologist couldn’t stop our torrent of bro-science and poorly Googled “facts”, so she was basically like:

She has a lot of patience with us. It’s internet pseudoscience she hates. She was like:

But because our questions are hilarious even when they’re straight up irrational, at the end of it we’re all laughing and she’s like:

And then she’s like, “Seriously, stay off the internet or else.”

Then we got the drugs going, and the drugs were all like:

Luckily, I got my pre-meds, so I was all like:

But then I had to pee, and it was like:

Because clinic and blood draw took a while, we didn’t get to the infusion room in time to order lunch (which they do stupid early, at like 10am), so I was feeling like:

I never did get a meal to eat so I pretty much just did this the whole time:

And then I did this:

And this:

I wish. More like this for the ENTIRE TIME:

With a touch of this:

But then way more of this:

And then I got to go home! After being inside hooked up to tubes ALL DAY I felt so FREEEEEE that the car ride was like:

By the way, after today’s relatively pain-free, quicker-than-usual, piece-of-cake infusion, my port and I are all like:

As for the rest of the week, it’s gonna be like:

Just kidding y’all, more like:

But I’m done with three of ’em now, which means I’m halfway there! If you think I didn’t search for a fantastic Bon Jovi “Livin’ on a Prayer” GIF to round this post out, then you severely underestimated me. Alas, I couldn’t find a good one. So you’ll just have to imagine me singing it, which I have done far too many times at far too many karaoke bars after far too many shots served in test tube equipment.

28 thoughts on “Chemotherapy #3, Brought to You in GIFs

  1. Deirdre Apablasa (Tootie, Kit's UCLA friend) says:

    this is brilliant Michelle!

  2. ladywayfarer says:

    You’re wonderful. πŸ™‚

  3. BACF :) says:

    This is so completely awesome!! I’ve never commented here before, but I’ve been loving your blog since I stumbled across it several weeks ago. I’m a current BC patient, and have completed my first round of chemo (15 weeks… though should’ve been 18 — long story) and am due to have surgery, more chemo, and then radiation. BUT, my tumor and regional lymph nodes have been growing in the past week (despite only being 5 weeks out from finishing my first round of chemo 😦 ), so now I’m having a repeat PET scan tomorrow morning to rule out metastasis since my pesky cancer is not behaving. Fingers tightly crossed for clear results, and then it’ll be on to mastectomies (with unilateral lymph node dissection) on Thursday. Whew! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences here — I feel so much of what you’ve been describing and your writing is so very refreshing & really echos a lot of my own experiences. And thanks for the GREAT series of laughs on an otherwise pretty nerve-wracking evening πŸ™‚

    • I have my fingers crossed so hard for good results for you that I think I’m giving myself gangrene. Worth it. I’m glad that I could give you a laugh or two during this stressful time. I will be thinking of you – I have faith that whatever comes your way will be manageable for you and that you will take great things away from this experience, no matter what.

  4. Sonia says:

    You are seriously awesome! Loved this post!

  5. amb says:

    LOVE that Nathan Fillion made an appearance! Hope he provided a nice distraction for you … he did for me this morning! πŸ™‚

  6. Tracy says:

    Michelle – I think you might be the next Tina Fey. Your wit in the face of crisis is amazing. I’m inspired.

  7. Kelly says:

    That was TERRIFIC !! and yes, I love that NF/Castle was there….(I am lately addicted to Castle) and Kip, kip is genius, and of course no gif parade would be complete without kittens…..and Sulu . Your blog is extra special. Every time I read it I wish that my mom would have had an outlet like this. her version was to sing Eddie Arnold’s , “make the world go away, take it off of my shoulders….” which in it’s own way was pretty darn funny πŸ™‚

  8. […] Must see, especially if you or someone you love is going through this: Chemotherapy #3, Brought to Y…. […]

  9. Steph says:

    Funny. I have a feeling we’d have a lot in common in real life besides being young ladies writing about shitty breast cancer. And yes, ports are the best even though they are totally weird. xo

  10. ~ Becky (random viewer pointed here by a friend) says:

    You are awesome! This was so creative (and funny – despite the subject). I’m amazed that you found all of these πŸ™‚ You GO girl!

  11. Laura Van Dellen says:

    That was soooo hysterical!!!!!!!! Loved it

  12. Wanderer says:

    I’m so glad I came across your blog on Thought Catalog a few weeks ago. Your upbeat humor during something that no one should have to go through is astounding and inspirational! And you’re a darned talented writer to top it off! Keep on pushing! Thoughts and prayers are with you!

  13. annbeaton says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for including the Melissa McCarthy sofa-roll. And so glad you and your port are an item. Onward and upward!

  14. Rebecca hunwardsen says:

    This is 100% pure awesomeness. Love it!

  15. Barbara says:

    Very clever and entertaining. I looked for an update from you a few days ago and there was nothing new at that time 😦 , so finding your GIFs just now was great. Best wishes!

  16. You are a brave, fine, funny woman! I have so many friends who are going through this or have. xoxo

  17. Olivia says:

    Michelle, this was my favorite post by far. Maybe you can contribute to the Gray’s Anatomy Medial Text: The Gif Edition? I am so, so excited to run the 10K in your honor tomorrow.

  18. gibbsters says:

    Awesome, from one cancer sister to another! Hang it there and when you get to the end, throw yourself a party!

  19. fransiweinstein says:

    Love the GIFs!

  20. Lori MacRae says:

    Michelle miss you hope you,are okay …………

  21. robindcole says:

    Hi Michelle – hope everything is going well. My ex-boyfriend and I were really stoked after he was feeling pretty awesome after his first round of ten. Then, of course, by the third round he was nearly toast. We celebrated a bit too early, haha. I hope it’s not hitting you too hard now. Looking forward to your next update! Take care!

  22. AMAZING post. Awesome GIFs. I am so impressed by your attitude!

  23. […] This young woman was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and writes touchingly (and with a LOT of humour) about her experiences with chemo and a mastectomy. I found her blog shortly before I started rotating through Head/Neck/Breast surgery and again, this helped me a LOT in preparation. I love this post of hers: Chemotherapy, via GIFs. […]

  24. […] by this amazing lady’s post, I decided to give you, dear readers, my most animated race report yet. Without further ado, the […]

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