I had an incredibly normal, basic, simple day today, and there’s really no way to convey how excited and happy that makes me.
Here is a list of normal things I did today for the first time since surgery:
1. Put on makeup. I looked in the mirror, which recently has been a little traumatic, and actually spent some time applying mascara, blush and lipstick. It’s amazing how something so simple can really boost your mood and make you feel pretty.
2. Put together an outfit that didn’t look like a cross between something Hugh Hefner would wear on a bad day at the mansion and costume pajamas that would make an awesome and comfy Halloween outfit. No sweats and slippers for me today! I’m wearing leggings with chunky socks and boots, a flannel button-up and a cozy faux shear sweater. I look like a normal 25-year-old instead of someone’s senile grandma robbing a Victoria’s Secret Pink store.
3. Slept in my own bed, on my side. Yes, you guys, I left my dear chaise lounge and went back to my own bedroom last night. I didn’t stay up ’til 2am watching late night talk shows. I didn’t have to sleep on my back and wake up three times in the night to take pain meds and empty my drains. I slept through the night and woke up without a sore back (or, at least, with a less sore back) for the first time in two weeks.
4. Went to lunch!
My beautiful, funny, sweet aunt came up from Laguna Beach to visit today. I was nervous about this because I haven’t had any visitors since my surgery, since I was too busy watching TV, eating chocolates and popping pain pills to talk to anybody – but I’m so glad she did. We went out to lunch at a cute cafe where I was a barista in high school. I felt like I was a super-secret spy because no one suspected I was a direly ill cancer patient, and everyone just served me my BLT wrap and jasmine tea assuming I was a normal, healthy 20-something. I should probably enjoy that, because once I go bald, it’s going to be real obvious that something is wrong with me.
My aunt also brought me an amazing outfit that I can’t wait to wear, now that I’m back to actually dressing myself, as well as some pastries, a fun puzzle and a book of prayer. I truly feel like I’m having Cancer Christmas. New amazing things arrive in the mail each day! In fact, over lunch, we were discussing the variety of reactions that people have had to my news and the different ways they’ve reached out to me, and it forced me to reflect on what truly helps at a time like this. Gifts are sweet and wonderful, but what I love more are the letters that come with them. What really means the most to me is when people I love call, text, email and write to let me know that they love me, too. The best thing to hear right now is how much my friends value our friendships. Thanks to all of you, because you have all done just that. In some ways – and I know this will sound bizarre, since it sounds bizarre even to me – this diagnosis has been a blessing. I’m like Tom Sawyer, getting a chance to listen to my own eulogy – hopefully, like Tom, without actually dying. I know that getting to the other side of this experience will give me a life of purpose and love I never could have imagined without it.
In the meantime, the visitors keep coming. My handsome and wonderful boyfriend comes into town tomorrow evening! I cried when I saw the email he wrote to his boss requesting the time off to see me. Sometimes, I can’t believe he’s still with me through this nightmare. There may be some icky things on the horizon for me, but spending nine days with my better half, with 100% fewer drains than I had previously, is something to look forward to.